Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
