Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
