Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
