I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
