I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
