i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
