My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
This can only be settled by a dance off.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
