i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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