Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
