Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
