trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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