The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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