a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
