Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
