She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
