I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
