you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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