I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
