Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
