apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just invented taco cereal.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
