rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
