You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
the raccoons are back...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
