when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
