before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
