i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
