drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There's always time for handjobs
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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