thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
