We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
