Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
