those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
