Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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