consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
