Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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