he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
