i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
