I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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