Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
