I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
