What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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