Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
