I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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