Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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