Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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