he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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