Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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