I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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