I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
