Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
