I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
