I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
