K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
